Social Intelligence

by Daniel Goleman (2006)

Notes compiled by Marti Benjamin, MBA, Professional Certified Coach

Psychologist and author, Daniel Goleman has made the neuroscience of emotional intelligence understandable for the layperson. In this, his latest book, he builds on previous research to offer new insights into our interpersonal world as it applies to our relationships and the way we conduct ourselves in personal and business interactions. This book summary focuses on business applications of the new discoveries in neuroscience but I found the book to be a fascinating journey into the workings of both the emotional and the thinking sides of the brain from birth through life.

Neuroscience Research

Neuroscience has confirmed that we are drawn into a brain-to-brain linkup when we connect with another person, engaging in an emotional tango that triggers the production of certain hormones that regulate biological systems from our heart to our immune cells. (Pages 5-6) Whether the relationship is nourishing or toxic, this dance of feelings takes place and our experiences sculpt the size, shape and number of neurons in our brain, a process known as neuroplasticity. You are shaping the brain of others while yours is being shaped by the interactions you have every single day. Goleman uses the term "social intelligence" as shorthand for being intelligent not just about our relationships but also in them. (Page 11) Social intelligence is required in business as well as personal relationships.
One of the key findings in this research is that emotions are contagious and we catch the strong ones to which we are exposed. The contagion is a function of the emotional low road, the massive neural network that is triggered beneath our level of awareness. The emotional high road, in contrast, utilizes systematic and methodical processes, considers options and reflects an understanding of what is happening in our emotional environment. "The low road is quick and dirty, the high slow but mindful." (Page 17) The interplay of the low and high road explains why we perceive a danger and act accordingly, or say or do something we later regret. When you regret what you said to a colleague or lose your temper with an employee, the low road is running your show; when you think through your negotiating position or enthusiastically plan a sales strategy, your high road is kicking in.

Social Intelligence Connections

"The ingredients of social intelligence…can be organized into two broad categories: social awareness, what we sense about others—and social facility, what we then do with that awareness." (Page 84) Social awareness begins with building rapport, where we enjoy mutual attention, shared positive feeling, and a well-coordinated nonverbal duet. Rapport is a prerequisite to creativity in planning and problem solving.

Outside of our awareness, we synchronize with the subtle patterns of whomever we happen to be interacting with. We move through several steps of building social awareness beginning with our recognition of facial expressions that reveal emotional states.

We are wired to connect and empathy is the route of that primal need, priming us for action. Astute business people use the skill of empathy in negotiations, conversations with internal groups, customer relations, sales and virtually every interaction with others. We decide what action is appropriate, based on our empathy and judgment about what we have felt and we act according to our understanding. When we are operating at a high level of attunement, we offer our total attention and listen fully, seeking to understand the other person rather than just making our point. (Page 86)

Emotion contagion can also be countered as needed by shifting into the high-road brain functions where we are able to think about our response, rather than react solely on the emotional experience, the feelings we picked up from the other. Our thinking brain comes into play and allows for a more sophisticated social sense, which guides an appropriate response. (Page 70) As we alter our perceptions, we can change our emotions and when we do it intentionally, we gain conscious control of our emotions. (Page 77) In business, a new perception can be the difference between hearing the customer’s need and addressing it or simply trying to sell him what you want him to buy. The former approach has proven more successful in almost every kind of sale.

Connecting and Disconnecting

Have you ever had the experience of talking with another businessperson by telephone, only to hear the clicking of their computer keyboard in the background and you realize that their attention is divided between your conversation and their email? Most of us feel insulted, dejected or some other form of disrespect and anger when this happens. Our emotional reaction stems from feeling as though we have been discounted from a person to an object, a thing, an ‘It’. In most situations, we do not want to be seen as "It," losing our humanity.

There is a need and a value to keeping a distance at times and that employs the perspective Goleman describes as the "It".(Page 110) Professional codes—such as those of journalists, lawyers, etc—require that we see a person in terms of their role without attuning to the actual person within the role. The intention of these codes of conduct and the purpose of the "It" is to increase emotional separation enough so we can think more clearly, balancing the empathy we have triggered with the thinking we are engaging. (Page 111)

By contrast, when someone devotes their undivided attention to us and makes our conversation the centerpiece of their attention, we feel like a valued person, or ‘You’ in Goleman’s social intelligence lexicon. In these interactions, we feel felt and understood.

Resilience

The business skill of resilience begins early in our life. Some of us learn to deescalate emotional storms and return to a state of contentment, while others take the full brunt of the storm and are devastated, at least temporarily, by it. We learn to be resilient and bounce back from stressful situations by exposure to stress at a level we can successfully manage. Our colleagues, bosses, direct reports and customers all bring their own resilience script to the business world and it is through empathy that we determine whether the stress level is too little or too much and respond accordingly. Social intelligence research confirms that when over stressed, it is necessary to lower the stress to a level manageable for that individual, in order to return to a state of contentment and optimal functioning. To maintain a high level of productivity among staff, the socially intelligent business leader will monitor the stress level and reduce it as necessary to keep their team on track.

Emotional and Physical Health

All of these new discoveries about brain function lead to greater understanding of how our emotional well-being impacts us physically. If cortisol, a hormone produced by the adrenal glands in stressful situations, remains at a high level for a prolonged period of time, the body pays a price in ill health, such as cardiovascular disease, impaired immune function, diabetes and hypertension. (Page 225) "Workers who feel unfairly criticized, or whose boss will not listen to their problems, have a rate of coronary heart disease 30 percent higher than those who feel treated fairly." (Page 227)

The management skills related to social intelligence, such as listening empathically, engaging in problem solving, making others feel valued and supported, all have a bearing on the health and well-being of the work force. If you want to reduce employee turnover and manage health care costs, begin by building your social awareness and social facility skills.

"When people are treated as numbered units, interchangeable parts of no interest or value in themselves, empathy is sacrificed in the name of efficiency and cost-effectiveness. Being noticed, felt, cared for alleviates pain to a meaningful degree. Distress and rebuff amplify it." (Page 252-253) "The greater the anxiety we feel, the more impaired is the brain’s cognitive efficiency." (Page 268) How competent and competitive can we possibly be in business if we are distressed, anxious and not thinking optimally?

Emotions in Business

"Team members with upbeat leaders reported that they were feeling in better moods. Perhaps more to the point, they coordinated their work better, getting more done with less effort. On the other hand, the teams with grumpy bosses were thrown out of synch, making them ineffectual. Worse, their panicked efforts to please the leader led to bad decisions and poorly chosen strategies." (Page 275-276)

It is not only the boss who impacts the emotional base, but also the co-workers, team members and even the organization itself. "The stronger the emotional bonds among workers, the more motivated, productive and satisfied with their work they are." (Page 279)

The research shows that when we prime good feelings in others, we feel better as well. Improving the business environment begins with being aware of what feelings we are relaying and which we are catching from others. "Emotional contagion means that a goodly number of our moods come to us via the interactions we have with other people. In a sense, resonant relationships are like emotional vitamins, sustaining us through tough times and nourishing us daily." (Page 312)

This brief summary has gleaned some of the salient points of social intelligence in business. To learn more about developing social intelligence skills, I recommend a thorough read of Goleman’s latest work.

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©2008, Marti Benjamin